Breastfeeding a Neurodivergent Child

lccreagh

by Mahum

A sacred thread- Why did I CHOOSE to breastfeed?

Breastfeeding was something I knew I wanted to do from the moment I found out I was pregnant with my first child. As a Muslim, it’s one of the most rewarding acts of service a mother can do for her child to ensure a healthy start to life. It not only provides nourishment but connects a mother’s heart to her child’s physical and emotional needs. I wanted to experience that connection. Tending to every cry of hunger and comfort, whilst feeling fulfilled and experiencing the immense comfort it brings each time I held my baby close to me. 

Fear of the unknown- Being a first time mum

You think you’ve read up on everything related to breastfeeding. The benefits, sleep deprivation, cluster feeding, teething but nothing prepares you for those first 48 hours postpartum. Sat at home in my bedroom with no idea why my baby was endlessly crying and our late night trip to the hospital was terrifying. I felt like a failure. I kept feeding my baby every 30 minutes, exhausted and in pain from my episiotomy not knowing why he wasn’t satisfied. What helped me through the first couple of weeks was the support I had from my family. No judgement whatsoever and a bit of formula (if I needed to top up) got me through it. 

An ocean full of advice

At 3 months, my baby started to cluster feed. Frequent night wakings, feeding every hour or two was exhausting! I had a lot of advice from health visitors, GPs, family and friends all giving my different advice. From using fenugreek seeds to increase my milk supply, ensuring I was drinking plenty of water, letting him cry it out to start using formula to make sure my baby was full. I’m glad I trusted my gut and continued exclusively breastfeeding and got through the cluster feeding stage. 

Warm whispers of love

After the cluster feeding stage, breastfeeding became a lot easier. Seeing my little one smile after every feed and nuzzle into me was the best feeling. Over the months, each feed became our time to step away and bond. It’s true when they say you’ll never get those moments back, as time flies! As my baby turned 18 months, I could see him feed for comfort and watching him content after his feed made my day. Breastfeeding is an intimate exchange between a mother and child, filled with love and tenderness. Each stage is unique and to be celebrated, and is beneficial for a mother as much as it is for the child.

Letting go

As I came towards the end of my breastfeeding journey, it was scary to think about losing those precious moments we shared in the past 20 months. I had been told that weaning takes time and happens over a few days/weeks but I didn’t anticipate how difficult it would be for me around 19 months. Letting go of the morning feed was the first step, it was tough but I managed to eventually wean my little one over a few weeks. The night feed was the most difficult, with my husband getting involved and stepping in to help. I knew it was time let go, as I was looking go back into work but the tears, sleepless nights and emotional struggle made me feel guilty.

Looking back, I’m really proud of the journey with both my children and even though I wasn’t able to breastfeed my second child for as long, I’m glad I decided to breastfeed them both. The experience was quite different for my second child. 

Unchartered territory- Breastfeeding a SEND child

All the struggles whilst weaning him off breastfeeding and countless struggles to put him down for his daytime nap made sense. When my son was around 2 years, we started to notice delays in his speech, lack of eye contact and social skills. This was a huge moment for us as a family, especially trying to navigate his sleep pattern and how to interact with him. There were times where I felt as though I’d failed him and other times where I was proud of how much progress he’s made in nursery. When my son was around 3, he started to receive support from his pre-school and we’ve learnt so much about his strengths and personality. Despite wanting to give up in our breastfeeding journey, I’m really proud of how long we were able to continue this. I truly believe this gave him the best start in life and contributed to him feeling emotionally secure. 

Pouring from a cup that feels half empty- Being a neurodivergent parent

Coming to terms with my son’s autism diagnosis at age 4 made me rethink my entire childhood and teenage years. What I believed to be extreme social anxiety was actually symptoms of autism. The lack of knowledge around autism in girls 20 years ago and male GPs dismissing my concerns around anxiety didn’t help. I’ve come to realise why it was hard at times in my breastfeeding journey and a lot of this relating to being neurodivergent. As we see an increase in awareness around hidden disabilities, I hope other mums can feel confident to seek help if they’re finding it hard to breastfeed/parent a child with additional needs. Having a support system really helps you get through those difficult days of breastfeeding and being overwhelmed, it helped me with my second child. 

Learning to dance in the rain- Going through parenting journey with a SEND child and overcoming challenges

As I reflect on my experience with both of my children, I see a big difference in our breastfeeding journeys. I love my children and I’m grateful that I was able to breastfeed them both for as long as I could. My experience the first time wasn’t perfect but nothing ever is. Breastfeeding for me was empowering and an act of love. It created lovely memories for my children and gave them the nutrition they needed for the best start in life.

I am running free speech therapy groups with Seedlings in Bradford over the next 2 years. Link to register interest here https://forms.gle/gs5bWMBFJcwCbxDB8

Mahum took part in the Bradford Holding Time Project. Visit the project page here

List of other support services relating to SEND: