It’s been the highlight of my mothering journey so far it’s it’s lovely.

by Ellen

So I’m Ellen this is Arthur and he’s five months old yeah I’m a civil servant so I worked right up to 40 weeks and then took two waiting for this horror to come along. Three months statutory and then three months of nothing and then you go back or well I’m going back after nine months because as much as I love being a mum, actually the identity of being someone else as well like being Ellen again….yeah being a mum is the best job ever but I do miss that part that part of me where it’s focused on something else.

It gets easier as you go on but at the first it was it was so painful. Yeah I’ve never considered giving up though for some strange reason it just carried on. I don’t really know why. I just enjoyed it even though it was agony and and to be honest brutally honest I think I just struggled to adapt because I just had really sensitive nipples there’s no getting around it . His latch was fine but no it just didn’t, it was just painful for me but like, after about eight weeks it became fine so that that was it.

Things like…there’s ways you gotta get around this, like I used lanolin and I used hydrogel pads and they were an absolute godsend. So that and cold compresses really helped me so that’s how we got through and now it’s a breeze you know it’s easy to be in, it’s easy so you know now I’ll go two three hours without feeding him and then he needs to feed.

Nights are still difficult of course but I think it’s just that first the first four months. I wouldn’t say the hardest but say they’re the most challenging for a number of reasons only because you know you’re trying to get to know this beautiful beautiful baby and and then things get better.

So that was the worst thing through lockdown as well and Covid because especially being pregnant and I was really really lucky that my husband was able to be with me for the whole lot of my birth because otherwise I’d be on my own from Saturday at eight to Monday morning at midnight or 1am, before you know it. And I’ve just been doing it it’ll be hard like it would have been awful and i know some other poor ladies have gone through that and I can’t imagine that’s easy. Well I know it wouldn’t have been easy at all. So yeah, lockdown didn’t help especially pregnancy as well because you just on your own and then yeah you know you connect with other groups.

I think there’s one app called peanut which my husband describes as Tinder for mums which made me laugh but I’ve met some really lovely ladies on there who’ve just helped me get through and I’m still good friends with at least three of them now so it’s been it’s been nice Throughout lockdown it was very difficult and then of course you didn’t want to meet people and then it was different different stages where you know one lady would give would have given birth so then you didn’t want to go meet them because you knew they just had the baby and you were heavily pregnant yourself and it yeah it was it was hard exactly not that you noticed

So being like the the age of I am and maybe it’s just the people I surround myself with but I don’t like we were away with friends like seven other friends last week and I have no I don’t feel any discomfort at all in just you know taking your breasts out and feeding your baby I don’t think anybody ever looks at you and thinks that’s a bit weird i mean maybe they do behind like behind closed doors but I’ve only ever known support really or people just like i was in the park i covered it with a scarf and the lady just like pretended I wasn’t there so fine if that’s where you want to you know want to be like that i don’t mind at all but I’ve never I think because we live in such open times nowadays where it’s normal to have i don’t know to be to choose your sexuality and to choose your gender and to choose your to make your own choices I don’t know maybe I’ve not come across people who are really really set in their ways and old-fashioned about it all but you know you know I’ll feed in public sometimes I use a scarf sometimes i won’t it depends on how i feel but it’s not I’ve never come across anybody who’s really anti or who is really awkward made to feel awkward by me breastfeeding because all those people I’d be like do you mind if I breastfeed but then again when it’s in my house i kind of think well if you said no I’d be a bit annoyed

If you can it’s brilliant it’s the best thing ever but I know lots of people can’t and it’s kind of a fine balance between encouraging you know whether those who can and making it making sure that you try, sorry and making sure that you try and then realizing right okay the baby doesn’t latch I’m not producing enough milk that’s fine. But I don’t know, I love it it’s been the highlight of my mothering journey so far it’s it’s lovely.

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