I started off by doing it wrong


I started off by doing it wrong.
The midwife scolded me for it taking too long, to get you to latch,
nose to nipple, it sounded so simple.
“Do you mind if I help”, said with concerned tones,
grabbing a handful of breast and stuffing it into your mouth.
It hurt and it shouldn’t despite a friend warning me that it would.
I was left with a blood blister and a dent in my new mother armour.

I was wrong to think you needed a feed,
They’ll let you know when they’re hungry….said with a patronising smile.
But she hasn’t fed for quite a while…
My boobs know better but my social niceties mean I simply smile back, a little more of that superwoman who carried and birthed you is chipped away at.

I kept doing it wrong as the pain got worse, my fault, I should know what to do shouldn’t I?
Maybe it was the latch….maybe tongue tie.
But bleeding nipples and hospital admissions didn’t help to find the answer.

I was wrong to push through the pain,
There’s always just give her a bottle.
Nose to nipple, if you have the latch right it shouldn’t hurt.
But it did hurt because I got it wrong.

You shouldn’t be trying to loose weight.
You should be drinking full fat milk
Start trying to lay her down while she’s awake.
You need to stop feeding her at night.
Baby’s not putting on enough weight.
They’re clever these babies, they know how to manipulate you to get what they want.
Give her to me, I’ll get the wind out of her.
You might want to top up her feeds with a bottle.
Don’t forget to enjoy every minute!

I was wrong to let you feed for so long,
apparently it’s no use to you past one.
Where do they get this information from?
I’m not so sure,
not wise elders who have been there before,
and done it and learned and earned their t shirt…….I have surely earned that t shirt, but they know best!?

I was wrong, they tell me, when I let you sleep in my bed,
We were warm and relaxed and you fed.

I am glad I decided later to do it all wrong,
and just feed you and cuddle you and follow your lead.